Fucking Hormones,

Oh what you do to me! I just thought I'd let you know, I'm not really down with this whole roller coaster ride you've been sending me on lately. Does every uber UP have to be followed by an equivalent DOWN? Couldn't it be just a little, baby down?

See, because, apart from making me feel just a little bit shitastic, such grandiose swings also tend to make me act in rather a rash manner. Lots of swearing at loved ones that don't deserve it. Breaking things that didn't need to be broken.

So....maybe back off a bit. Ok? Please?

Dear Fuckhead,



This is a simple request. Get out of my life and stay there.
I don't seek revenge, I'm not looking for a fight. I just don't ever want to have to see you/talk to you/hear about you ever again. If possible, I would welcome the, ahem 'eternal sunshine of a spotless mind' and have you literally erased from my mind and life, every photo, every memory. I would be quite happy with that.
Unfortunately, the reality is that we both live and work in the same town, city, state, country and, due to some gross lapse of judgement on their parts, share mutual friends, making it inevitable that we will cross paths at some point. When this sad day comes, I reiterate, I am not looking for a fight or any form of contact, all I ask is that you leave me alone, do not talk to me, do not talk about me, do not even think about me.
If ever you find this a challenge let it be a reminder to you to never be such an amazingly nasty, selfish, superbitch to another person ever again.


Goodbye Forever, Fuckhead.

Your little brother has seven fresh stitches in his elbows & it's basically all your fault.

worst. big. sister. ever.

fuckhead..

Dear Creepy Fuckhead Flies,

Fuck Off.

Even if I do stink, even if my laptop is the only source of light, there is no reason for you crawl around on my arm, probably vomiting on me then licking it back up because that's what YOU do, isn't it?HUH!? It feels creepy. Like I've fallen into an abyss and a thousand tarantulas start crawling over me and I mustn't move or they'll bite me with their nasty pincers. Or like I'm on a gameshow in a bath of scorpions. The worst bit is that I think you're flies, but I'm not 126% sure you're not actually nasty spiders or scorpions.

Whatever, I don't like it. GO AWAY.

WOW I REALLY LOVE LIVING IN THIS CITY SOMETIMES JUST TO ADD TO ALL THE SMALL TOWN HICK FEEL AND INCEST AND BEING BEHIND THE TIMES THEN WHEN A FESTIVAL COMES TO TOWN AND YOU THINK WOW SOMETHING GREAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING AND HALF OF THE AMAZING BANDS DECIDE THEY CAN'T BE FUCKED PLAYING ONE EXTRA LITTLE SHOW BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE'RE JUST NOT WORTH IT, OH SHIT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT GUYYSSS SERIOUSLY WE WON'T FEEL REJECTED OR ANYTHING OR END UP RESENTING YOU BECAUSE YOU REJECTED US. WHATEVER. fuck.

dear fuckhead (housemate)

first of all, i do not appreciate you breaking my kitchen light, my cupboard door, burning the shower curtain when you decided to smoke in the fucking bath, using up all my internet quota for the month and leaving us 14 days of being shaped when i really need the internet especially during those 2 weeks. i do not appreciate you leaving your stinking shoes in my living room, propping your stinking feet on my vintage coffee table, and connecting your laptop to our modem via the ONLY cable we own because the wireless range is slowly dying after almost 4 years of use and you have refused to go halves on buying a new one because, let me quote, you "won't be using it cos i'm moving out in a month".

and you have been saying that for three months now.

get. the. fuck. out. already.

i've had enough.

i hate those 'paintings' your friend did that you put on the walls. they are disgusting and the colours are all wrong. and i hate that when one fell down, you just left it propped leaning against the wall and didn't bother to put it back up, or get rid of it. and it has been there for almost a year. i want it gone!

i hate how you leave the dishes to mold in the sink, or on my coffee table. i hate how everytime you make tea, you take a fresh teaspoon, stir it in your cup and then leave it in the sink instead of picking it up again and giving it a quick rinse before re-using, so that by the end of the week, ALL the teaspoons are in the sink. what is wrong with you?

also, could you please NOT use my dishes as ashtrays? and take the stove lighter and leave it outside when you go to have a smoke? and for fuck's sake, get rid of those cigarette butts! i hate waking up in the morning to the smell of your smoke wafting in through my window. it ruins my day.

i am making a promise to myself, and sally who wants your room, that if you have not started looking for a place by the end of the week, i am going to make things VERY difficult.

i'll buy that new modem and change the password so you can't use it.

maybe i'll even change the locks..

yours sincerely

anon.

~thankyou anon, for this glorious vent! I vent, you vent, we all vent together...our best wishes for a fuckhead free future.~

I would like at this moment to express myself through the immortal swedish genius that is PB&J

hey scrotumfeatures* shut the fuck up now. You are starting to PISS ME OFF.

don't worry if you're reading this I'm pretty certain it's not you, I doubt scrotumfeatures would ever give enough of a shit about my life or anyone else's (unless he/she wants to get into their pants) to go so far as to read my blog so every word you read increases the likeliness you are not in fact the aforementioned fuckface.
Still, I'm putting it out there that SF, you are one of the most irritating, strange-in-a-bad-way, self-righteous, arrogant being I have ever been forced to spend a prolonged amount of time with.**


*not real name. Or real lyric
**note this excludes you from random dickhead strangers who have momentarily chanced through my life, I am a slightly nice person who will afford you some leniency.***
***(possibly only to make myself feel better and like a slightly less nasty motherfucker.)